Blog

Junes Jottings 

I am grieving.
I think it has taken me a long time to realise it, but there it is, in black and
white. As I write this we have just shared together our 13th recorded Sunday service, realistically we know that there will be several more, and I miss you all. I miss gathering and giving you a hug, I miss singing together, I miss sharing communion with you as we gather together to remember what Christ did for each of us and for the world. So far this year because of the lockdown restrictions I have also missed: Mother’s day and Father’s day – we were unable to visit our parents and our boys were not allowed to visit us. Birthdays – two of my sons have had lockdown birthdays and my birthday was in June – we had to ‘celebrate’ at a distance. Ordination Anniversary – June saw the 6th anniversary of my ordination to the Baptist ministry where I was officially recognised and received the title Reverend. Silver Wedding Anniversary – In July Ade and I will have been married for 25 years, there were plans for a celebration in church, shared celebrations with Pete and Trisch who have been married for 50 years this year! That has had to be cancelled, and it looks like rather than celebrating with you we will be celebrating alone.
And I am not the only one, so many of us have missed out on so much this year – funerals we haven’t been able to attend to say goodbye to those we love and respect dearly, birthdays, anniversaries, the birth of grandchildren, holidays that we had planned. And then there are the every day things that we used to take for granted – popping round to someone for a cuppa, dropping in for a chat, visiting the kids and grandchildren, instead our contact with each other is through a computer or phone screen or conversations shouted at each other from a safe distance. And that is hard, especially if you, like me, are a person who thrives in company, a person who comes alive in conversation, in engaging with others – especially if there is a mug of tea and a chocolate biscuit involved.
 
And I am grieving. I am sad.
 
In Psalm 13 the psalmist cries out:
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
 
Isn’t that a wonderful line – restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die! It sounds so melodramatic, so over the top, and expresses wonderfully how
I am feeling right now! And so that is my prayer today, in my grieving, in my sadness, ‘restore the
sparkle to my eyes or I will die’
 
But psalm 13 carries on:
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

And so yes I am grieving – but I am trusting God
Yes I am sad, but I am rejoicing that He has rescued me
Yes I want to weep and wail, but I will sing to the Lord because he is good
to me.

And I know that one day soon, my eyes will sparkle again.